Middle school never changes. And... Lord help me for actually admitting this... our parents were right. Of course they knew what we were going through. They understood the constant emotional surges, the feeling that every little thing can make or break you in the social circle that is middle school. But, as they're helpless to understand, they can't actually do anything for us. I want to tell my students "it'll get better," and "don't let them bother you!" and "we've all been through this," but it wouldn't matter. I want to scream that life will be better if they just do what teachers and parents ask the first time and I wonder what they have to talk about all day long (which, in my defense, is even more baffling than normal middle school chatter as classes here travel around to each class together all day, so really...). But as it has been shown since time began, I'm sure, though Adam and Eve wouldn't really have been able to say "we've been where you are now," seeing as they were just created, adults do understand but we're unable to ease the discomfort that is middle school.
Every day I walk the same way to the office before school starts and, lately, I've noticed something painful. A few weeks ago, I noticed that the more popular 7th graders gather at this one spot on the benches behind the science lab. There was another group, a couple of very sweet girls who do all their work and answer every question, sitting on the other side of the benches. Having been there before, I recognized the look of longing in one of the girls' eyes. Her friends talked to her, but she kept her eyes on that other group, waiting for that moment when one would say, "Hey D, come join us!" But it wasn't happening. About two weeks ago, I came around the corner and she was sitting, trying very hard to be calm and cool and nonchalant, on the side of the benches where the cool kids usually sat. Her friends were still on the other bench, talking to each other but keeping their eye on her. I don't know if it was curiosity or a readiness to jump to her rescue or defense should the need arise, but they were watching and waiting, almost as nervously as she was.
I was gone before the cool kids came. I don't know what happened that day. But I do know that she's been there each day since, still looking horribly uncomfortable and needy and I want so badly for them to just accept her. But they won't. And she'll probably spend her whole life trying to find that group who will accept her, even though they're right across the benches.
Not that I know anything about this.
Oh lord, that poor girl. It'll take her a few years but she'll come to understand that what you have is better than the dream of popularity. I was never really into it (hey,you knew my boyfriends and crushes, lol...all dorks [sorry Jon and Amos]) and I'm still that way. But, I do understand the need for acceptance, and we ALL still have that. Just remember, as you feel her pain and anxiety, that she will probably be the more complete person for it, rather than the ones who always got everything they wanted out of life so young. At least, that's what I keep telling myself!!!
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